Here are a couple of my favorite creative insults taken from various roasts over the years:
RIP Greg Giraldo, he was one of the funniest
Greg Giraldo to Garey Busey: "Look at your teeth, they look like a row of Urinals"
Jeff Ross to Flava Flav: "How do we roast charcoal"
Anthony Jelesnik to Patrice O'neal: "Holy shit you're fat, you look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails"
Seth McFarlane to Donald Trump: "Its pronounced I am fucking delusional, not I am running for president"
Seth McFarlane to the Situation" "No need to Clap, he already has it"
Jeff Ross to Bob Saget: "Full house should have been called Blackjack, he started hitting on the Olsen Twins when they were eight and didn't stop until they were twenty one"
I it true he used to give Mary-Kate acting lessons? He would tell her, act like this never happened"
Greg Giraldo to Penn Jilette "With that greasy pony tail you look like a male stripper that swallowed a male stripper"
Greg Giraldo to Mario Cantone "You tiny little fairy you take a stepladder into a glory hole your mom must have been devastated when you came out of the cupboard"
ICE-T to Carrot Top: "Eyeliner to Muscles, looks like halfway through your sex change your doctor just said fuck it"
Seth McFarlane to Charlie Sheen "He's the reason a dick with cocaine on it is called a Sheenus"
Seth Mcfarlane to Donald Trump: "This guy has an ego: "When trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off"
Jeff Ross to David Hasselhoff: "It's kind of ironic you played a lifeguard because every night you drown in your own sorrows"
Greg Giraldo to Hugh Heffner" "I've read every playboy since I was fifteen, not once did I see in turn-ons 'I want to fuck a 75 year old man' "
Greg Giraldo to Katt Williams: "Being a pimp ain't easy, especially when you gotta stand on phonebooks to smack a bitch"
Jeff Ross to Courtney Love: "Courtney Love you're like the girl next door, If you happened to live next door to a methadone clinic"
Jeff Ross to David Hasselhoff "Why do the Germans love you so much, maybe its because you've filled the entertainment void left by Anne Frank"
Greg Giraldo to David Hasselhoff "You are popular in Europe, you were even knighted by the queen of England, she dubbed you "Sir Osis of Liver"
Brad Garret to Joan Rivers "Joan has had her face on more red carpets than an Irish Lesbian"
Greg Giraldo to Kathy Griffith "Whats with all the plastic surgery, you've been stitched up thousands of times yet you're still so sad to look at, you're like the AIDS quilt"
Greg Giraldo to Larry the Cable Guy: "Larry fucked his first cousin when he was 16, and his last one about an hour ago"
Snoop on Lisa Lampanelli: "If you wanna fuck Lisa Doggystyle, all you gotta do is put a bowl of food on the floor"
Greg Giraldo to Ralphie May "You're like the population of India, you're loud, you're sweaty and you double in size every two months, you're the only guy that watches porn and comes when the guy delivers the pizza"
Jeff Ross
RIP Greg Giraldo, he was one of the funniest
Greg Giraldo to Garey Busey: "Look at your teeth, they look like a row of Urinals"
Jeff Ross to Flava Flav: "How do we roast charcoal"
Anthony Jelesnik to Patrice O'neal: "Holy shit you're fat, you look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails"
Seth McFarlane to Donald Trump: "Its pronounced I am fucking delusional, not I am running for president"
Seth McFarlane to the Situation" "No need to Clap, he already has it"
Jeff Ross to Bob Saget: "Full house should have been called Blackjack, he started hitting on the Olsen Twins when they were eight and didn't stop until they were twenty one"
I it true he used to give Mary-Kate acting lessons? He would tell her, act like this never happened"
Greg Giraldo to Penn Jilette "With that greasy pony tail you look like a male stripper that swallowed a male stripper"
Greg Giraldo to Mario Cantone "You tiny little fairy you take a stepladder into a glory hole your mom must have been devastated when you came out of the cupboard"
ICE-T to Carrot Top: "Eyeliner to Muscles, looks like halfway through your sex change your doctor just said fuck it"
Seth McFarlane to Charlie Sheen "He's the reason a dick with cocaine on it is called a Sheenus"
Seth Mcfarlane to Donald Trump: "This guy has an ego: "When trump bangs a supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off"
Jeff Ross to David Hasselhoff: "It's kind of ironic you played a lifeguard because every night you drown in your own sorrows"
Greg Giraldo to Hugh Heffner" "I've read every playboy since I was fifteen, not once did I see in turn-ons 'I want to fuck a 75 year old man' "
Greg Giraldo to Katt Williams: "Being a pimp ain't easy, especially when you gotta stand on phonebooks to smack a bitch"
Jeff Ross to Courtney Love: "Courtney Love you're like the girl next door, If you happened to live next door to a methadone clinic"
Jeff Ross to David Hasselhoff "Why do the Germans love you so much, maybe its because you've filled the entertainment void left by Anne Frank"
Greg Giraldo to David Hasselhoff "You are popular in Europe, you were even knighted by the queen of England, she dubbed you "Sir Osis of Liver"
Brad Garret to Joan Rivers "Joan has had her face on more red carpets than an Irish Lesbian"
Greg Giraldo to Kathy Griffith "Whats with all the plastic surgery, you've been stitched up thousands of times yet you're still so sad to look at, you're like the AIDS quilt"
Greg Giraldo to Larry the Cable Guy: "Larry fucked his first cousin when he was 16, and his last one about an hour ago"
Snoop on Lisa Lampanelli: "If you wanna fuck Lisa Doggystyle, all you gotta do is put a bowl of food on the floor"
Greg Giraldo to Ralphie May "You're like the population of India, you're loud, you're sweaty and you double in size every two months, you're the only guy that watches porn and comes when the guy delivers the pizza"
Jeff Ross
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